Mad Ravings
(From the Mind of FunkBucket)
Have you ever just sat and thought about wonderful things. Well maybe they aren't wonderful but they are interesting. I mean, well read on.
Whoever created the earth was a genius because he also created gravity and air. Just think how long he or she worked to make it.
Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up.
Here is one from Rachel: "How come people call the funny bone funny?"
and another: "How do we get freckles?"
To me, truth is not some vauge, foggy notion. Truth is real. And, at the same time, unreal. Fiction and fact and everything in between, plus some things I can't remember, all rolled into one big 'thing'. This is truth, to me.
I wouldn't be surprised if someday some fisherman caught a big shark and cut it open, and there inside was a whole person. Then they cut the person open, and in him is a little baby shark. And in the baby shark there isn't a person, because it would be too small. But there's a little doll or something, like a Johnny Combat little toy guy -- something like that.
I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes, I bet you can really see it in those genitals.
Here is one from Rachel: "Why does your toes get all weird when it gets dislocated and it hurts real bad?"
Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it's head with a note that says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.
Here is a deep thought from Rich: "Beatings aren't funny... Stabbings aren't funny... Mimes aren't funny... But how come beating and stabbing a mime is so funny?"
How come sheep don't fly? They should. In fact everything should be able to fly. I think it would be neato. I mean it would be cool to see pigs fly but sheep look better. Actually to see hippos fly would be so much better. Like they fly by flapping their ears real fast. That would be so cool.
The memories of my family outings are a source of strength to me. I remember when we all piled into the car -- I forget what kind it was -- and drive and drive. I'm not sure where we went, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played some sport. I remember a bigger, older guy we called "Dad." We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you.
Who was the person who decieded that humans need to eat to live? How did they come up with that idea? Well, can you realize what the world would be like without food? And that we didn't have to eat either? Hmm.
I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.
Here is one from Rachel: "How come you end up having non-refreshing breath even if you floss, brush and pop in a breath mint?"
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
How come words are the way they are? I mean why is history, history and why is English a language? Why couldn't English be a name? Like English Car. That would be a guys name of course. Or what about Car? How come it is an automobile? Why couldn't a car be an animal? Like from now on cars are salamanders. And salamanders will be called trees and trees are now cars. If you understand my meaning.
Sometimes I think the world has gone completely mad. And then I think, "Aw, who cares?" And then I think, "Hey, I'm Hungry."
Who actually took the time to figure out all these math deals? Why is there all kinds of equations and stuff?
If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I sure hope He likes Taco Bell, because that's what He's getting!
Here is one from Rachel: "Why do your hands get all wrinkled when you soak them in water for a long time but the rest of your skin doesn't get wrinkeled?"
If you ever go temporarily insane, don't shoot somebody, like a lot of people do. Instead, try to get some weeding done, because you'd really be surprised.
Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words -- "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean ? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.
Do fish sleep? I have a fish tank and one day I just thought of this. I wanted to know if fish sleep. Well, I don't know because I fell asleep before they did. It would definatly be cool if they didn't. I don't know why though.
It's sad that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of wild dogs.
Why is there so many different languages? There is French, Spanish, English, All types of African, Russian, Japanese, Chiniese, and Americaniese. What do we need all those for? Same with religions. And since I have not seen any true evidence that there is a god, I say we elect one.
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."
Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything it sees.
If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's Hambone.
Have you ever thought about if dogs and other animals have other languages. Maybe barking for dogs is their way of making people go away. And cats purr because they like what they are doing. Maybe all the rest of their language is through telepathy. Or through thier different types of thelepathy. Like do they have their own languages in telepathy? Like French, and Spanish and so on?
Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant and she fell on me? Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.
If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don't think I'd call it Trampo-Land, because you might think it was a store for tramps, which is not the inpression we are trying to convey with our store. On the other hand, we would not prohibit tramps from browsing, or testing the trampolines, unless a tramp's gyrations seemed to be getting out of control.
Hmm. Think about paper. Where would we be in this world if paper wasn't invented? Not real far because paper is used for notes, flyers for shows, funnyness things, pictures, posters, and for school. Well, I guess we wouldn't need the last one. But paper has its pros and cons. Oh yeah and there wouldn't be books either and that is alot of paper. And hey most books are lame. But there are joke books too.
Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset, carrying a very beautiful rose in his beak and a very beautiful painting with his feet? And also, you're drunk.
Who came up with smoking pot? I mean was there some guy that said "Wow man lets smoke this?" And why is it named marijuana. Was it some guy that was so screwed up that we couldn't think of anything else? And why is the slang for it called pot? Or weed? If so many people like it and weeds are not wanted why is it called weed? Or Grass? I walk on grass.
I think people tend to forget that trees
are living creatures. They're sort of
like dogs. Huge, quiet, motionless dogs, with bark instead of fur. So if trees could
scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all
the time, for no good reason.
Even though he was and enemy of mine, I had to admit that what he had accomplished was a brilliant piece of strategy. First, he punched me, then he kicked me, then he punched me again.
I bet a fun thing would be to go way back in time to where there was going to be an eclipse and tell the cave men, "If I have come to destroy you, may the sun be blotted out from the sky." Just then the eclipse would start, and they'd probably try to kill you or something, but then you could explain about the rotation of the moon and all, and everyone would get a good laugh.
New Editions Since August 6th