May 2nd 1999

    I have done alot.  I have done a whole lot in the past couple weeks.  Sorry about not updateing it.  The past week was extremely hectic.  I had my senior project in the past week or so and I've been trying to find some cool ways to change around the site.  I have been working on flash programming (if you know what that is).  It's like shockwave and looks really neat like.   Anyhow.  I have been doing that and working things out with Senior Ball and stuff.  It's almost like I have no time anymore and I'm becoming an adult.  That sucks.  Anyways.

    The past two weeks I have not been sleeping much.   I have a couple of friends that I'm trying to take care of and make sure they are ok.  Then I have a couple of females that I'm trying to make sure that they are comforted.  The thing they keep telling me is... They want me to think about myself and think for what I want do and not about them.  The problem is... They are me.   If I were to lose them in any way, shape or form would completely upset me.   Expecially since the two of the females that are in my life are me.  They tell me everything I know and I have a problem.  The two of them used to be best friends but they got upset at each other over time.  Neither one of them were paying attention to each other.  Well... One of them was paying attention to here boyfriend way too much and almost totally neglected me and made me very upset because she said that she was my best friend and never ever called or asked to hang out.  I would have to do everything and get canceled plans many times.  So I was upset at her too.   Then after a while she say the light and felt bad and appologized many times and I told her that if it ever gets like that again that she can foget about a friendship.   I think she learned.  In the meantime, the other female was completely neglected and gave up on trying to be freinds with her.  The two never talked and they slowly became irritated by each other.  I was extremly upset.  The 2 biggest things in my life have now become oil and water and I can't do anything with the two of them.  In the past 2 weeks, I have tried everything.  I have tried to force them to talk, let them talk, and tried to convince them to talk in all different fashions.  I have almost given up.  2 Days ago (30th) I finnaly got the two of them to talk.  But it turned out to be a bad turn about.  I'm sure neither one of them are satified of what they've done.  I tried so hard and got nothing from it.   It really bums me out.  I thought that after one talk, the 2 of them would want to talk again... but it won't happen.  They are just 2 way to fucking stubborn females and have no decency for each other and I don't want you to be friends your your sake... :)  Naw... I'm just upset that it won't be back the way it was.  But... That's life I guess... :)  Anyways... I just hope one day the two of them will be friends again... But to this day... I'm just going to have to... keep them apart... I never seem to win the things I want.  You know?  Nevermind.

    I went to work at Beantrees with Ashley on Friday and today and I got paid too... It's cool... I wasn't feeling well though and I'm still not feeling well... I think for trying to do all the things I have been doing in the past weeks have really drained me.  I need a vacation from myself.  I can't wait till I go to Florida for a couple weeks.  Ashley said she might be able to go... It goes from Ashley not knowing or careing and Rachel wanting to go... To Rachel going to Mexico for 2 weeks and with more freedom and still wanting to go to Florida but it's the same time, and Ashley really wants to go... Everyone at Beantrees kept saying that she was dumb not to go with me to Florida.  I just want someone to go with me so I won't be stuck doing things with my parents for a couple weeks.  That isn't a vacation... That's a job.  Anyways.  I need to get away from things again.  My muscles hurt all over.  Kinda like I was killed or frozen and I was thawing out...  That sounds weird.  Anyhow.

    Rachel and I are back to normal.  I am best friends with her again and I can't wait till Senior ball... but it is getting so close and I am still not all sure or ready for it... So I'm stressing.  This is going to be great... I just wish I can take the 2 females together on the after dance thing... that would be great.

    I have determined that Ashley's boyfriend is either jealous or he doesn't like me.  I have gotten it down to that.  I have done absolutely nothing wrong to that guy and only good things and never asked anything from him.  Never have I once gotten anything from him.  I don't know why he gives me shit for it either.  I look at Ashley or talk to her and then look at her boyfriend and he gives me a really dirty look.  And I know it's not his normal look because he always looks like he is thinking... Not pissed but just thinking.  Anyways...  I don't want to get all worked up on it again.

    I'll try to write in this tomorrow...